From the BASEMENT WRITER COOPERATIVE – belatedly celebrating the April 1st 37th anniversary of BASEMENT issue #1… Your Friday Night News Drumpf

DISCLAIMER

ATTN: all agents of Federal, State, and Local security apparatus…

THIS IS A JOKE!

PLEASE DON’T FUCK WITH US!

10) When he is resurrected three days later, liberals will claim assassination was a hoax instead of accepting Trash Talk Donnie as Our Lord and Savior.

9) Another excuse for cry-baby fascists to play the victim card

8) Too much opportunity for Jimmy Kimmel to make Orange Is The New Dead joke.

7) Prevent nauseating display of general indifference to other people killed during the incident.

6) Lost opportunity for us to see him die in poetic escalator accident.

5) (tie) Distraction from the Epstein Files/ Kristi Noem, JD Vance or JD Vance’s couch drafted as potential MAGA Presidential replacement.

4) Suddenly unemployed pro- and anti-Trump political class will cause economic recession.

3) Increased political tension with Russia

2) Possible legal complications

1) He’s practically a human being